It was one of those days...

Yesterday was one of those days where nothing went right. It started off with me waking up to EXTREME pain. I decided Monday that I just couldn't breastfeed anymore. Pumping every 3 hours was really getting to me and I had been thinking about quitting for a few weeks. I think the lack of sleep and the fact that I have been really stressed out here lately was what made me finally do it. I knew it wasn't going to be comfortable but geeze... OUCH! Once I got out of bed and got Kaylee fed, dressed and back to sleep I started trying to figure out why Kaylee's prescription wasn't ready yet. After talking to her doctor and then spending 45 minutes on the phone with the insurance company, they decide that she doesn't need the amount of medicine that the doctor prescribed and would only authorize 1/2 of the prescription. These people are idiots! After telling them Kaylee's birthday the lady actually asked me if she could talk to Kaylee... they told me I would have to file an appeal to try to get the prescription filled and that it could take up to 30 days to get a response. Kaylee's old medicine had started to become inactive and she had been getting worse over the past few days so I had to give in and pay our $50 copay for only half of the medicine she needed.

To file the appeal I had to get a letter from the doctor explaining why she needed the medicine and the amount of it that was prescribed along with writing a letter myself. When I went to pick up the letter on my way to the pharmacy Kaylee spit up 2 times and got choked while I was driving down the road. This is something I'm always afraid of because I feel like I can't get to her quick enough if she is choked. When I got back home I fed Kaylee and laid her in bed with me while I was on the laptop. She got choked and tons of milk came out of her mouth and got all over her, the bed and me. After getting her calmed down I laid her back down and 10 minutes later tons of milk came out of her nose and went everywhere. At that point I completely lost it... I had given her formula all day and hadn't added rice cereal to thicken it, hoping that would help with the problems she has been having with constipation. She was screaming at the top of her lungs and I just held her and cried along with her. I kept telling her how sorry I was because I felt like somehow it was all my fault... I should've given her the rice cereal, I should've went and got the new medicine sooner even if I did have to pay the full price for it, I shouldn't have laid her down in the bed, I shouldn't have stopped breastfeeding, I should be able to figure out what to do to make her feel better...etc... When Daniel came home he took Kaylee so I could take a break. I just laid there in bed and stared at the ceiling thinking Kaylee probably hates me for not being able to do anything for her to make her reflux better.

Later on I went to get supper for Daniel and I while he watched Kaylee. When I got home she was screaming and he said he had tried everything to get her to stop. I took her upstairs to get her ready for bed and she stopped crying and looked at me and smiled! I wrapped her up in a blanket and sat on the couch and held her. She reached out and held onto my finger and just stared at me until she fell asleep... maybe she still likes me after all :) As bad of a day as it was it couldn't have ended any better!