Taking things day by day

When I started this blog towards the beginning of last year I thought it would be something nice to have to look back on to remember my pregnancy and to use a sort of a baby book for Kaylee. Plus I figured it would be a way for friends and family to see updated pictures of the little monster and to read about how she is doing whenever they get a chance. I would've like to have thought that most things that were wrote on this blog would be upbeat and happy memories... but sometimes they're not.

I think the reason I haven't posted much here lately is because I don't want to write how I really feel... because honestly, right now things just aren't that great... and do I want to write about how bad things are right now for the world to read (or just the one or two people who probably read my blog :) )... not really... but this is what I am using to look back on, and I would like to hope that when I read this years down the road, I will be able to see how far we have come. So this is whats been going on...

We cut back on Kaylee's medicine a week ago yesterday, going from 3 times a day to only twice a day. So far so good... she got choked once right after we cut out the midday dose but other than that she seems to be doing ok. I plan on trying to cut her morning dose in half next Monday. I am so afraid of doing this because the last time we tried to get her off the meds was when she was on Prevacid and it didn't work at all... then after trying to get her back on the medicine we realized it didn't work for her anymore. So I'm afraid of backing her off the medicine and then the reflux coming back and then possibly having the same problem as last time with the medicine no longer working.

Kaylee's medicine is expensive... $200 a month... and right now we don't have insurance because of having to wait for the Cobra rate reduction application to go through. Unemployment income really just isn't cutting it and tonight I realized we only had 2 days worth of medicine left. Of course, I don't just have $200 sitting around, but luckily I had a card for $75 off the prescription and after begging the pharmacist, he agreed to let me just get 1/2 of the meds (which was super nice of him because the medicine comes in 30 packets sealed in a box... so he gave me 1/2 of the box as long as I promised him I would come get the other 1/2 once I had the money, otherwise he couldn't sell that to anyone else). You know it's bad when the happiest part of your day is knowing you just bought yourself a couple more weeks until you have to figure out how to come up with more money for medicine that you absolutely have to have.

I figured it up and 1/2 of the prescription will last us for almost a month at the dosage she is getting right now. If we are able to keep cutting back, hopefully after getting that last 1/2 of the box we will be able to completely get her off the meds (fingers crossed).

I think the last time I posted I mentioned the issue we are having with trying to get Kaylee to take longer, more consistent naps during the day. I'm not sure, but I think I might be making some progress. Yesterday I was able to get her to take two, hour long naps and then 2 or 3 thirty minute naps. She has been fussy a lot here lately which always makes me worry about the reflux. But I haven't heard anything in her throat and there hasn't been any grunting or arching her back so I'm hoping it's something else.

She keeps growing so fast! About 2 weeks ago she went from the size 2-3 Swaddlers to the size 3 Pampers Cruisers and now I think after she goes through this next box of the size 3, she will need size 4 diapers! I can see this being a problem down the road...

She is also getting too big for her Bumbo seat (this makes me very sad). She loves that thing and I always sit her in it on the counter to feed her solid foods. I wanted to try to keep from having to buy a high chair but it looks like that's out of the question now. She has been acting like she is getting uncomfortable in the Bumbo seat and when you try to pick her up, her chubby legs get stuck (picture picking up a baby with the seat still somehow attached to their butt!).

During this time that Daniel has been unemployed I have tried to realize what is most important, which is the fact that even though we don't have much money and are doing good to get by, we have a healthy baby girl, and that is what matters more than anything. I have read other mommies' blogs where they have either lost a child during pregnancy or shortly after their baby being born and to hear their stories makes me realize just how blessed we are.

I have also learned during these hard times just how determined I am to make sure Kaylee has everything she needs. Whether its something like clothes (which we are going shopping with tax return money to buy her 9 month size since her 6 month things are getting too small) or something as simple as formula or diapers. Anytime when we have had a little extra money I go out and stock up on diapers, formula and thickening gel. For some reason it just makes me feel better knowing that we have plenty of those things at home, and when we start to run out I start stressing even more.

I know that we will get through all of this and whether we stay here or move back to Tennessee, I know I have learned a lot from these past 2 months and things have definitely been put into perspective. I look forward to sharing all of these things with Kaylee when she is older. I just want her to know that her Daddy and I will do whatever it takes to make sure she has everything she needs.