It was one of those days...

Yesterday was one of those days where nothing went right. It started off with me waking up to EXTREME pain. I decided Monday that I just couldn't breastfeed anymore. Pumping every 3 hours was really getting to me and I had been thinking about quitting for a few weeks. I think the lack of sleep and the fact that I have been really stressed out here lately was what made me finally do it. I knew it wasn't going to be comfortable but geeze... OUCH! Once I got out of bed and got Kaylee fed, dressed and back to sleep I started trying to figure out why Kaylee's prescription wasn't ready yet. After talking to her doctor and then spending 45 minutes on the phone with the insurance company, they decide that she doesn't need the amount of medicine that the doctor prescribed and would only authorize 1/2 of the prescription. These people are idiots! After telling them Kaylee's birthday the lady actually asked me if she could talk to Kaylee... they told me I would have to file an appeal to try to get the prescription filled and that it could take up to 30 days to get a response. Kaylee's old medicine had started to become inactive and she had been getting worse over the past few days so I had to give in and pay our $50 copay for only half of the medicine she needed.

To file the appeal I had to get a letter from the doctor explaining why she needed the medicine and the amount of it that was prescribed along with writing a letter myself. When I went to pick up the letter on my way to the pharmacy Kaylee spit up 2 times and got choked while I was driving down the road. This is something I'm always afraid of because I feel like I can't get to her quick enough if she is choked. When I got back home I fed Kaylee and laid her in bed with me while I was on the laptop. She got choked and tons of milk came out of her mouth and got all over her, the bed and me. After getting her calmed down I laid her back down and 10 minutes later tons of milk came out of her nose and went everywhere. At that point I completely lost it... I had given her formula all day and hadn't added rice cereal to thicken it, hoping that would help with the problems she has been having with constipation. She was screaming at the top of her lungs and I just held her and cried along with her. I kept telling her how sorry I was because I felt like somehow it was all my fault... I should've given her the rice cereal, I should've went and got the new medicine sooner even if I did have to pay the full price for it, I shouldn't have laid her down in the bed, I shouldn't have stopped breastfeeding, I should be able to figure out what to do to make her feel better...etc... When Daniel came home he took Kaylee so I could take a break. I just laid there in bed and stared at the ceiling thinking Kaylee probably hates me for not being able to do anything for her to make her reflux better.

Later on I went to get supper for Daniel and I while he watched Kaylee. When I got home she was screaming and he said he had tried everything to get her to stop. I took her upstairs to get her ready for bed and she stopped crying and looked at me and smiled! I wrapped her up in a blanket and sat on the couch and held her. She reached out and held onto my finger and just stared at me until she fell asleep... maybe she still likes me after all :) As bad of a day as it was it couldn't have ended any better!

She's getting old!

Friday I had a few errands to run so I decided to take Kaylee with me while Daniel mowed the yard. While I was downstairs getting ready to leave Daniel took Kaylee upstairs to get her dressed. When I went upstairs to get her I couldn't believe how much older she looked! She was wearing her jeans and Pumas for the first time and she looked adorable! So of course... I had to take pictures!

She doesn't look too happy...

Her cute little Pumas!

Just hangin out on the couch

When I went to see my doctor Thursday for my 6 week checkup she wore her cute little summer time dress. It's starting to get cooler outside so I'm trying to dress her up in her summer clothes as much as possible.

Last night she wore this outfit for the first time... I just had to get a picture of the cat face on her butt!She has been doing a little better with her reflux. She still has milk come out of her nose quite a bit but last week I started giving her medicine to her 3 times a day and it has made her much more comfortable... but giving her the medicine is a nightmare! She either chokes or spits part of it out. We are switching to the disolvable tablet form of Prevacid (her medicine) this week so I'm hoping that might be a little easier. This week she has appointments for her ultrasound on her back as well as her swallow study. I am really hoping they doctors can figure out something with the swallow study to keep the milk down.

Almost 6 weeks!

Its been a week since I've posted on here so I have a lot to catch up on! Kaylee is now smiling quite a bit, she will laugh and coo at people and even at the dogs! She is doing really good with following us with her eyes and holding her head up. She is still doing great sleeping at night... anywhere between 6-7 hours straight. Unfortunately, her reflux seems to be getting worse. Sometimes it's hard to even lay her down to change her diaper because she instantly gets choked. She has a swallow study scheduled for the beginning of October and has been referred to a GI doctor to continue to try to figure out what's causing all of this. She is also going next week for a ultrasound on her back because the doctor thinks she might have a mild form of Spina Bifida.

She is uncomfortable for most of the day but for those short times when she isn't, it's so great to see her being her normal self. She had her 1 month checkup yesterday and the doctor said other than the reflux everything else looks great. Kaylee weighed 12lbs 9oz and was 22.5 inches long. She's a big baby... according to the growth chart she is longer than 90% of babies her age and her weight and head measurement is bigger than 97% of babies her age... no wonder I had to have a c-section! Since adding rice cereal to her bottles to thicken the milk she has been having a problem with constipation so the doctor told me to give her some apple juice mixed with water to help with that... she loves the apple juice! In less than a minute she had drank the whole ounce that I had put in her bottle! Here's the most recent pictures I have of little Kaylee Bug...

Just hanging out after getting home from the doctor's office

She's so silly!
She kept smiling at Liza... it was so cute!

Someone's sleepy!

She loves laying on her changing table

She always sleeps with her arms sticking out in her carseat

Kaylee's First Smile!

Ok, maybe not her 'first' smile but her first real smile. Until now she would only smile in her sleep or when she had gas... but Sunday Daniel was holding her and talking to her and she actually looked at him and smiled! He kept playing with her nose and she kept smiling and making cute little noises. I need to get my camera out and get some new pictures of her...especially one with her smiling!

little one month old kaylee bug

kaylee i cant believe that you are a month old already. it seems like only yesterday i was standing over you after you were just introduced to the world crying and thinking to myself i cant believe this beautiful baby is my little girl. it seems like every day i wake up and look at you and you are changing in every way. i remember when we first brought you home you did not sleep all that much but in very little time you have gone to sleeping all through the night to only waking up a few times during the day to stuff your little fat belly. i hate the fact that i have to get up and leave you and mommy every day to go to work cause i just feel like when you do finally wake up you do cute things that i miss and even tho i get to see you when i get home we really dont do much but just sit and hold you cause whenever i put you down to play its always bad timing for you and you get fussy, but i know you cant help it and one day we will be able to play all night . but baby your mommy and i enjoy every moment we get to spend with you and we look forward to all the precious moments we get to spend with you in the future. we love you so much and we hope you dont grow up to fast on us.
love always, daddy

To my Kaylee Bug...

Little Kaylee Bug,

I can't believe it has been a month since you were born. Time is going by so fast! You are changing everyday and even though I love seeing how much your changing I know it won't be long until I wish you were a week old again. You have went from sleeping all the time, only waking up to eat, to being much more alert. As much as I like for you to sleep so that I can get some sleep as well, this past week I've loved it when you were wide awake and interested in everything that was going on around you. You are starting to follow things better with your eyes and will even look at your toys now when they make noises. You love your swing your grandma & grandpa got you but you still haven't figured out that there are toys hanging down above your head on it!

You have done such a good job sleeping at night which helps mommy & daddy out a lot! This past week I've started to notice a pattern... when you wake up in the morning you are wide awake and usually will stay up for a few hours. After I feed you and get you dressed I lay in the floor with you and play with you on your playmat until you get fussy. Then you will normally sit in your swing and look around until you fall asleep. During the day you usually sleep several hours before waking up to eat and then going back to sleep again. Somewhere usually between 5-7pm you will wake up and be wide awake again. Daddy & I try to keep you awake until we are ready for bed but that doesn't always happen. We try to take you for a walk in your stroller but that always puts you to sleep. Daddy always tries to wake you up by swerving the stroller across the street or lifting it up on 2 wheels but I think that just relaxes you even more.

Daddy is always the one who gives you a bath in your little tub. So far you really don't like it that much... especially when it's time to wash your hair. At night you will sleep anywhere from 5-7 hours straight before waking up to eat. Just the other night you stayed up late and when my alarm went off at 5:15am and I realized I hadn't woke up to feed you all night I jumped up to check on you to make sure you were ok. You have had a terrible time with spitting up milk here lately. The doctor put you on some medicine to help with the acid reflux but it's not working that great. I feel so bad when I see you uncomfortable and I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. You seem to feel better when you lay on your side so this past weekend I put you in the bed with us when you woke up and rolled you over on your side and held onto you until you went back to sleep. You love laying in our bed for some reason. I'm not sure if it's because the bed is softer or because you like having a pillow to lay on but anytime your fussy, as soon as I put you in our bed you seem to calm down.

Today was the first time I took you out of the house by myself. We went to the mall and picked up the pictures we had made of you and then drove to Concord to meet daddy for lunch. I was so scared that you were going to spit up milk while we were going down the road but you did great. You slept the whole way to Concord, while we were at the restaurant and the whole way back home. Your such a good baby and even though it was rough on me having you and the week or so afterwards, it was all worth it. Your daddy and I love you so much and look forward to watching you grow everyday.

Love,
Mommy

Pictures... Lots of Pictures...

I'll start by apologizing for the ridiculous amount of pictures in this post... I can't help it... she's adorable... just be lucky I didn't post all 200 pictures that I have saved on my computer so far! These are all of Kaylee at 2 weeks old :)

She loves sleeping on her side!

Sleeping with her little giraffe that Daniel & I got for her...
So peaceful...

I love this picture because it shows her pretty blue eyes!

I think she's getting tired of the giraffe sneaking into the pictures...

Just hanging out...

Trying to hide!

I don't know what to say about this face but I thought it was hilarious!

"Great...first a giraffe...now a rabbit..."

Trying to smile...

Sleeping angel :)

Kaylee & Daddy

Our little family :)

daddys girl

so today is little kaylees 24th day in our world and so far it as been pretty good. she has had a few days where she has completely wore the both of us out and there has been a few where she kinda took it easy on us. all in all its all worth it when u pick her up when she is crying and you hold her close to you and she stops it makes you feel like she just needed you to hold her. the little pig is growing so fast that i cant believe it, well actually i can because of the way she eats. at the rate she is going by the time she is 10 we will have gone broke trying to feed her. she is the cutest little baby and she will always be daddys little girl no matter what.

Adjusting to Life with a Newborn

In general Daniel and I are pretty lucky... for the most part Kaylee is a pretty easy baby to take care of. She doesn't cry if your not holding her 24/7, she doesn't freak out the second she has a dirty diaper and she has been doing better than I'm sure a lot of babies do at this age with sleeping. She seems to be getting in a routine for the past few days of sleeping for 5 hours the first time we put her in bed at night which is great. Over the past few days though she has become increasingly fussy and just seems to be very uncomfortable. She used to take naps in her crib during the day but now the only way to get her to fall asleep is in her swing. When she first started sleeping in her pack and play you could just lay her down and she'd go right to sleep... now we have to set it to vibrate and she lays there and grunts A LOT.

Today has been one of those days where it's one thing after another. She had milk come out her nose this morning while she was sleeping only for it to come out her nose and mouth just an hour or two later and get all over her clothes, in her pack and play and in her hair. This afternoon after she ate I was trying to burp her and of course, milk came out her nose and got all over me and her... and 30 minutes later while she was laying on her stomach on her playmat she had milk come out her nose again except this time it was even more and she lifted her head up and then fell back down in it and got it all over her face and got choked.

I called the pediatrician to tell her about the problem getting worse and got an appointment scheduled for tomorrow. I really hope there is something they can do for her. I'm always scared she is going to spit up at night and I won't hear her and she will end up getting choked on the milk. Plus she just seems to be so uncomfortable that she is crying a lot more here lately and it's a constant battle trying to figure out how to make her comfortable.

I knew taking care of a baby was going to be hard but there were certain things I didn't think about... Obviously I knew lack of sleep was going to be an issue but didn't think about how it would affect other things. As much as Kaylee has been eating here lately (she is up to 4oz every feeding), I'm constantly stressing over whether or not I'm going to be able to keep up with how much milk she needs. I have increased the number of times I pump per day to every 2 hours. What I didn't realize before having Kaylee is that so many things affect your milk supply like stress, fatigue, not eating enough, etc... and with trying to produce as much milk as possible, I stress about stressing because I don't want a decrease in my milk supply.

Another thing I didn't expect was my back to hurt this bad and to actually get worse everyday. I'm thinking at some point with all of the epidurals I got, the anesthesiologist did something that screwed up my back. It really didn't hurt when I came home from the hospital, it just felt a little sore... but as days have gone by it has started hurting more and more to the point where now it even hurts to hold Kaylee... and it's not just one point in my spine... the pain runs from between my shoulder blades all the way down my back, with the worst pain in my lower back where one of the needles went it. I have several Vicodin pills leftover from when I was discharged from the hospital and even those don't make the pain go away.

I'm not sure there is anything that can be done to fix my back but I'm hoping that, with time, everything else will get better. Until then I'm just trying to make it through each day and be thankful for the time I get to spend with Kaylee while she is still so little. I'm sure the next thing I know she will be grown up and moving out so as hard as things are right now, I wouldn't change a thing!

3 Weeks Old!

Tomorrow little Kaylee will be 3 weeks old! I can't believe how fast time is going by. It seems like just yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital. Everyday she seems to be more and more alert and able to follow things with her eyes. There is a little stuffed flower that is on her changing table that she loves to lay there and stare at when I'm changing her diaper. She has even grabbed it's little leaves a few times.

It's been 2 weeks since she had her weight checked at the pediatricians office but I can tell she is growing. Her newborn size clothes are slowly getting smaller and smaller on her so I'm sure here soon she will be in all 3 month clothes. Luckily we didn't buy a lot of things in newborn size but the things we do have, I'm trying to make sure she wears them as much as possible before she outgrows them and I'm trying to get pictures of her in the cute newborn sized outfits that she has. We had a bunch of errands to run Sunday and were planning on going to Firebirds with our neighbors, Frank & Tina, for supper so Daniel decided to put her in this cute little dress. Of course, she ended up spitting up a bunch of milk and got it all over her so we had to change her before we left.

Last night Daniel gave Kaylee her first real bath in her cute little tub that her grandma got her. Her umbilical cord finally fell off last Saturday and her little belly button is just adorable! She did good until we wet her hair and put shampoo on her.

"Daddy...what exactly are you doing..."

Drying off with her cute little towel...

Being silly...