That's what I like to hear!

Kaylee is saying "mama" more and more everyday! Most of the time she screams it when she is fussy but sometimes she will say it while playing in her bouncer. I'm always wondering how she is going to change from day to day! Tonight is her 2nd snow. It seems like these past 2 years it has snowed quite a bit several times here. It never snowed very much when I was younger so Kaylee is lucky to get to see all of this snow! Hopefully the pattern will continue and as she gets older we will have enough snow for her to go outside and play in.

The whole plan of cutting back on her meds didn't work. She has been so fussy and after giving her the midday medicine that we had cut out she seemed to be in a better mood. So that's it for me trying to cut back for a while. Maybe we will try again after she gets past this teething stage since that can make reflux flare up.

I can't wait to get our tax return this year. Since we were stuck in the house all day I decided to make a list of things I want to get with our refund. I have found several larger toys that I would like to get Kaylee and just need to narrow down the choices. I'm also looking forward to going clothes shopping for Kaylee. I have picked out several adorable things at Baby Gap that I can't wait for her to wear!

Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to get some pictures of her with the snow to post on here! Here are some of her '5 month' pictures. I can't believe she is going to be 1/2 a year old in just a little less than 2 weeks!

I love those big blue eyes!

I remember when I took a picture like this just before Thanksgiving, she could barely lift her head off the pillow!

Taking things day by day

When I started this blog towards the beginning of last year I thought it would be something nice to have to look back on to remember my pregnancy and to use a sort of a baby book for Kaylee. Plus I figured it would be a way for friends and family to see updated pictures of the little monster and to read about how she is doing whenever they get a chance. I would've like to have thought that most things that were wrote on this blog would be upbeat and happy memories... but sometimes they're not.

I think the reason I haven't posted much here lately is because I don't want to write how I really feel... because honestly, right now things just aren't that great... and do I want to write about how bad things are right now for the world to read (or just the one or two people who probably read my blog :) )... not really... but this is what I am using to look back on, and I would like to hope that when I read this years down the road, I will be able to see how far we have come. So this is whats been going on...

We cut back on Kaylee's medicine a week ago yesterday, going from 3 times a day to only twice a day. So far so good... she got choked once right after we cut out the midday dose but other than that she seems to be doing ok. I plan on trying to cut her morning dose in half next Monday. I am so afraid of doing this because the last time we tried to get her off the meds was when she was on Prevacid and it didn't work at all... then after trying to get her back on the medicine we realized it didn't work for her anymore. So I'm afraid of backing her off the medicine and then the reflux coming back and then possibly having the same problem as last time with the medicine no longer working.

Kaylee's medicine is expensive... $200 a month... and right now we don't have insurance because of having to wait for the Cobra rate reduction application to go through. Unemployment income really just isn't cutting it and tonight I realized we only had 2 days worth of medicine left. Of course, I don't just have $200 sitting around, but luckily I had a card for $75 off the prescription and after begging the pharmacist, he agreed to let me just get 1/2 of the meds (which was super nice of him because the medicine comes in 30 packets sealed in a box... so he gave me 1/2 of the box as long as I promised him I would come get the other 1/2 once I had the money, otherwise he couldn't sell that to anyone else). You know it's bad when the happiest part of your day is knowing you just bought yourself a couple more weeks until you have to figure out how to come up with more money for medicine that you absolutely have to have.

I figured it up and 1/2 of the prescription will last us for almost a month at the dosage she is getting right now. If we are able to keep cutting back, hopefully after getting that last 1/2 of the box we will be able to completely get her off the meds (fingers crossed).

I think the last time I posted I mentioned the issue we are having with trying to get Kaylee to take longer, more consistent naps during the day. I'm not sure, but I think I might be making some progress. Yesterday I was able to get her to take two, hour long naps and then 2 or 3 thirty minute naps. She has been fussy a lot here lately which always makes me worry about the reflux. But I haven't heard anything in her throat and there hasn't been any grunting or arching her back so I'm hoping it's something else.

She keeps growing so fast! About 2 weeks ago she went from the size 2-3 Swaddlers to the size 3 Pampers Cruisers and now I think after she goes through this next box of the size 3, she will need size 4 diapers! I can see this being a problem down the road...

She is also getting too big for her Bumbo seat (this makes me very sad). She loves that thing and I always sit her in it on the counter to feed her solid foods. I wanted to try to keep from having to buy a high chair but it looks like that's out of the question now. She has been acting like she is getting uncomfortable in the Bumbo seat and when you try to pick her up, her chubby legs get stuck (picture picking up a baby with the seat still somehow attached to their butt!).

During this time that Daniel has been unemployed I have tried to realize what is most important, which is the fact that even though we don't have much money and are doing good to get by, we have a healthy baby girl, and that is what matters more than anything. I have read other mommies' blogs where they have either lost a child during pregnancy or shortly after their baby being born and to hear their stories makes me realize just how blessed we are.

I have also learned during these hard times just how determined I am to make sure Kaylee has everything she needs. Whether its something like clothes (which we are going shopping with tax return money to buy her 9 month size since her 6 month things are getting too small) or something as simple as formula or diapers. Anytime when we have had a little extra money I go out and stock up on diapers, formula and thickening gel. For some reason it just makes me feel better knowing that we have plenty of those things at home, and when we start to run out I start stressing even more.

I know that we will get through all of this and whether we stay here or move back to Tennessee, I know I have learned a lot from these past 2 months and things have definitely been put into perspective. I look forward to sharing all of these things with Kaylee when she is older. I just want her to know that her Daddy and I will do whatever it takes to make sure she has everything she needs.

Learning to sit up!

I am slacking on keeping up with things on the blog... Kaylee has been really fussy here lately... I'm hoping it just her teething and not reflux related since we have tried to cut back on her meds. She is also spoiled because of her Daddy so she is always wanting us to play with her or hold her... and the few times that she plays by herself, she always makes sure that we are watching her. She is learning how to sit up more on her own. She still forgets what she is doing and will fall over. I always catch her except for if she is sitting on our bed, she will start to fall to the side and when she falls completely over she smiles really big!

Look at those chubby arms! My little Michelin girl :)

I think she is always the happiest playing in her bouncer. She will start bouncing and look at Daniel & I and when we smile at her or laugh at what she is doing, she will smile really big and giggle and do it again! I think she likes entertaining us :)

Happy baby:)

She has also become obsessed with the flowers on her bouncer. She will either try to lean forward as far as she can to get the toys in her mouth or she will put her face right up against this flower and try to give it Eskimo kisses! It is just the cutest thing because sometimes she will hold her breathe and puff her cheeks out while she rubs her nose on the flower!

Tonight while she was laying on her changing table, waiting for Daddy to get her bath ready, she kept acting like she wanted to roll over. She has came so close here lately. She is finally using her legs to pick her hips up off the ground and will sometimes push herself over onto her side. I helped her roll over on her changing table and the look on her face was priceless. It was the first time she has laid on her stomach there and she didn't know what to think! After 5 months, I think she just noticed the polka dots on her changing pad tonight!She has been doing great at sleeping at night... usually 11 hours every night, but we are still struggling with her daytime naps. I don't know what happened today but she only took one 30-45 minute nap (she did take 2 or 3 ten minute naps)... and when it came time for bed it was bad news. She fought going to sleep from 7:45 until 10:00 pm. I finally got her back out of her play yard around 9:30 and tried to rock her to sleep. She woke up twice with her eyes wide open and looked around. The last time she did this was funny because she picked her head up off my chest, looked up at me, and slammed her head back down and was out within 30 seconds!

We have figured out that she is allergic to apples, which was causing her reflux to flare up, and will probably be having an allergy test done here in a few weeks at her 6 month checkup. Neither Daniel or I are allergic to anything so I'm not sure where she got it from, but hopefully it's something she will grow out of!

My new blog design!

Finally! My blog has received it's well overdue facelift! Erin @ Designer Blogs did a great job on creating just what I wanted... when I didn't even know what I wanted to begin with! They are having a 30% off sale until the end of January, so go check them out! I also decided to change the title of my blog. When I first started this back when I was pregnant I couldn't really come up with a unique name. I knew the blog was going to be all for Kaylee so using her name as the title was the best I could come up with. Over the past 5 months we have came up with several nicknames for her but the one we use the most is 'Kaylee Bug' or something close to it :) So that is where the new title, 'A Bugs Life' comes from... at first I wasn't sure if I should go with it or not... but I think it's growing on me :)

Just a little note

Baby Girl,

I usually only write you a letter once a month but I really wanted to write one to you tonight. Today was a fun day because you are finally learning how to move around when we lay you on your stomach and you came so close to rolling over today! I was so excited for you but sad at the same time. You are growing up so fast on me... not only in age but in size. You are getting so big and are bigger than most babies your age. I have tried to start getting videos of you more often because I want to be able to look back on this time and remember all of these special moments. Even after what I went through when I had you, I have caught myself thinking at times that maybe I want another baby just because I already miss you being little... but I just don't think it would be the same because that baby wouldn't be you!

You are past the weight limit on the bassinet part of your pack n play and I have been thinking about trying to get you to start sleeping in your crib since you do such a great job of sleeping through the night. I think you would do fine but I just don't want to be that far away from you and the thought of you sleeping by yourself upstairs is just something that I'm not ready for. I know I am probably creating a monster but I think we will be keeping you in our room for several more months.

I love you so much Kaylee Bug and your Daddy & I are so lucky to have you here with us. Your sweet personality and smile are my favorite things about you and I hope that never changes. You are tucked in bed asleep right now, so goodnight and sleep tight baby girl!

Love,
Mommy

where does the time go

well it sure doesnt seem like it but my little kaylee bug is already 5. months old that is. before you know it she will be half a year old then she will be 5 then 13 then 20 and so on. im afraid that she is gonna grow up on us so quick and she just wont be a little baby anymore. she already seems so grown up because she sleeps all night long, she is progressing very well, she seems to be very smart and very attentive to things. she has also learned her little "daddy i want that" face that im sure i am gonna see alot in the future and wont be able to say no to...ever. it feels like only yesterday that we got her little bouncy thing that she sits in with her feet touching the floor and she just jumps around in now and when we first got it her feet wouldnt come close to touching the floor that we had to stack pillows and blankets under her feet so she could reach to now talking about having to raise it up a notch cause she is gonna jump out of it one of these days. either she is growing taller so that her feet are on the ground or she is getting fatter and heavier that it cant support her. but its very funny and cute to sit there and watch her bounce and play in it

5 Months

Kaylee,

Yesterday you turned 5 months old and once again, I can't believe how fast time is flying by. It makes me sad to think that next month you will be 1/2 a year old! This past month we celebrated your first Christmas. We went back home this year and we might possibly go back to Tennessee next year but after that, if we are still living in North Carolina, I plan on us being here Christmas Eve & Christmas Day. As you grow up I want you to be able to wake up Christmas morning and see all of your presents from Santa under the Christmas tree. With your bedroom being upstairs, I can already picture you running down the stairs on Christmas morning, excited to see what Santa brought you :)

I am so happy that your reflux has been getting better over the past month. You still struggle with it at times but it is so much better than just a few months ago. Your teeth are taking their time trying to come in but haven't bothered you quite as much this month compared to last. You're still sleeping great at night... anywhere from 9 hours (which rarely happens) to 11 hours straight. No matter how sleepy I am in the morning I always look forward to sitting up and looking over at you. It melts my heart to see you turn your head towards me and give me the biggest smile when you see me!

During the day you have struggled with your naps. You went from taking 1 long 3-4 hour nap during the day to only taking short 30 minute naps while your daddy or I hold you. Today you did manage to take almost a 2 hour nap while I held you. I hope we can get things back on track with your naps. You have been getting fussy a lot more and I think it is because of your short naps, but I'm sure we will get it all figured out! Your happiest times of the day, other than when you first wake up, is when you are eating! I have been feeding you solids once a day and trying to get on a more consistent schedule with that. We switched you from rice cereal to oatmeal which seems to be working better. At first you didn't like it but now it's not so bad. You still don't like green beans, carrots or peas but you love peaches, pears and sweet potatoes. I always put your Bumbo seat on the counter... which of course, your not supposed to do... :) and feed you that way. You like to grab the spoon and try to feed yourself, but I still have to hold onto it so that you don't stick the spoon down your throat!

You and your daddy have spent a lot of time together over the past 2 months since he lost his job, and I can tell that you really enjoy it. You love to just stare at him and smile and these past few days when he has left the house to go to tryouts, you have been so happy to see him when he gets home. He has definitely spoiled you by holding you all the time!

You continue to amaze me every day by how much you are changing. You still haven't figured out how to roll over yet but you are starting to learn how to sit up by yourself. You can sit without me holding you for a few seconds but then you forget to hold yourself up! You are starting to love your bouncy seat even more and I can tell you are getting taller because now you can reach the floor without me having to put a blanket under you. You also love Remi, Liza and Winston. Especially Remi, you will just stare at him and when we put him in our bed with you if he gets close enough, your eyes get really big and you try to grab him with both hands! There have been several times you have grabbed him, but you just squeeze so hard that he hates it :)

I can't wait to see how much you change over this next month little one! I love you so much!

Love,
Mommy

Almost 5 months and...

MY BACK STILL HURTS! When will this ever end? Ever since the anesthesiologists played target practice on my back with all of the epidurals and the spinal block, I have had the worst pain in my back... in the mornings it's really sore...then it starts feeling like something is stuck in my back and then by the end of the day the pain spreads to my whole back...

When I went for my 6 week checkup the doctor told me, "Oh, that's normal... the pain will go away within a month or so..." yea...so its been a month and it's still there! And if the pain wasn't bad enough, parts of my back keep going numb. Has anyone else had this problem?

But on a better note... within the next few weeks I will be making some big changes to my blog! I'm pretty excited about it and hope it all turns out the way I want it to!

And even better news... Kaylee has figured out how to feed herself with a spoon! Apparently I wasn't capable of doing this to her standards so she just took over... I caught it on video so as soon as I get it uploaded I will try to put it on here!

Just another day...

I really haven't had much to blog about lately... and if I did, I wouldn't have time because someone has been fussy! Monday I took Kaylee back to Wake Forest for her 2nd swallow study. It's so funny because the speech pathologist always tells me a lot of the babies don't like the study because of being strapped into the little chair that they sit in while being x-rayed... but Kaylee doesn't mind at all. As long as she is eating she is happy!

The study showed she will still aspirate if her formula isn't thickened but it isn't as bad. The biggest improvement was the fact that only a very little amount of milk is going up into her nose each time she swallows, which is great considering last time we went formula would go into her lungs and all the way up into her nose each time she swallowed. Her esophagus still has damage but it looked slightly better than the last study 3 months ago.

Other than the swallow study not much has happened since I last posted. We are still dealing with the short 30-45 minute naps, which has been going on for several weeks. It's getting old... but hopefully she will go back to the 2-3 hour naps soon... I can only hope right? I found these 3 pictures which are oddly all of her sleeping...

My little angel :)

Taking a nap with daddy & seahorse
She loves her flower!

Things have been stressful around here with Daniel's job search. I really would like to go back to work but it's hard to find a job that is flexible so that I can work around Daniel's schedule if he is able to find a job before racing season starts. Hopefully the next time I blog I will have good news!

Happy New Year Baby Girl